Happy New Year

The first day of a New Year, a new chapter and a new beginning. At least that’s how I like to look at it now. In the past I have struggled at this time of year as it always reminds me of my New Years as a child spent with my grandparents. They are no longer here and have been gone for many years and I still miss them.

This makes me wonder how other people manage loss during holidays and celebrations and how long does the grief process go on for? Someone once told me that the level of grief is proportionally related to the connection you had with the person or thing that’s gone. I have lost many people over the years. Friends, grandparents, a brother and the grief has been different in each case.

The loss can feel overwhelming and isn’t just about losing people. It can be the loss of a pet, a job, a home or because of a divorce. We can grieve about the life we expected to have that has now been lost.  

I have tried to be strong each time I have been confronted with loss, but did this help or hinder me? Having a stiff upper lip just means that the grief will usually show in other ways, maybe through withdrawal, depression, anger, anxiety ….

Because I didn’t really deal with my losses as they occurred, I suffered compound cumulative trauma (an event which happens again and again over a period of time). The losses eventually triggered severe anxiety (I will talk about this later) and this went on for many years.

Some cultures embrace loss/grief and teach us that it is a part of life and there is no need to deny the pain and sadness that the loss causes. I completely agree with this now, although I probably would have disagreed in the past. I think going through loss and hiding the pain and sadness did me more harm than good.

So, whatever you may be feeling after a loss it is probably normal. You will be hurting, feel guilty, be angry or want to hide away. Talk to people or just be with people, family, friends. If you are hurting tell someone, if you need to talk, talk to someone and if you need support at work, at home, at school, then tell a supervisor, friend or teacher. There are always people who will listen.

When I started this post, I thought it would be full of positive words for the year ahead, and I’ve talked about loss. I’ve talked about what I’ve been thinking, and I guess that’s part of my journey.

Happy New Year xx

New Year Resolutions

It’s something I always did as a child, and I don’t remember sticking to a single one!

As an adult I have made resolutions and broken them by the end of January. Last year I decided my life needed to be different. I decided I was going to be more positive and more mindful. I wanted to look at the world around me and be appreciative. Notice the little things, the frost on the grass, the sun casting shadows, the taste of a cream cake (I knew the cream cakes would come up again). I wanted to be more confident, and happy in my own skin. Did I succeed?

Yes and no! I feel as though I was more positive and gained in confidence. I tried to be mindful, but did have to keep reminding myself of it, as it clearly doesn’t come naturally to me.

For 2020 – I want to continue to improve myself and focus on the things that make me happy. My kids, friends, study and work – yes work! I am lucky that I enjoy most of my day, every day. I do hate housework though. If I could take housework out of my daily responsibilities, I would be ecstatic! I don’t know anyone who enjoys housework though.

I also want to be healthy, and that means losing weight (it’s the cream cakes again). I have had this as a resolution for many years, but at some point, it has to stick … right?

I know logically what I need to do, but subconsciously something must be sabotaging me. I need to work out what that block is. That has just become part of my journey.

A lot of people will make New Year resolutions, and a lot of people will break them, and that’s ok. It just means that whatever the resolution was it wasn’t meant to be achieved at that point. It does however mean try again, change the resolution to something else if need be. Make goals and hopes and dreams for yourself, we all need happiness for our own wellbeing. Make the time for you to grow and understand yourself and what you need.

Let me know if you have any New Year resolutions.

My First Blog

And so this begins!

Having never written a blog, this is a whole new world, and I really hope that I get better at it. I decided to write this blog for myself as I prelude to having my own business and working with individuals and families. I am a 50 year young woman with two teenagers and one very unique dog. I will probably mention them many times over the next two years. I want to make a difference to people who are facing challenges of life or dealing with trauma. I hope to help them find peace, respect, learn how to communicate better and know their worth. (among other things)

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Please email me if you have any questions – Helen.Themindfuljourney@gmail.com